September 26th 2007. Diary.
I was fine until Saturday. Then I felt unwell and developed a really bad cold. Harry had been sneezing and complaining of a head pain earlier in the week and by Saturday he was using tissues by the score and sniffing a great deal but seemed O.K. otherwise. He very kindly gave his cold to me. Dan had tickets for the Jerry Herman Gala and I couldn't go. He said he wasn't going with anyone else. Harry didn't want to go and Anna-Louise is too young so Dan gave the tickets to Anna and Will who were very happy to have them. They dutifully told us how great it was and how marvelous JB was. I thought Dan would have gone with someone else but he said it wouldn't be the same. I feel better today but I MISSED SEEING JOHN! I could have forced myself to go but my head was bad and I kept sneezing and I would have given my cold to dozens of other people.
Gisela arrived today for what she called a flying visit. I hope she doesn't get the cold because Anna-Louise now has it and is miserable. Harry has had his hair cut!!!! He went out with some friends and came back scalped. It is weird to see him with hardly any hair. I had gotten used to it being long and him continually trying to straighten it out. He said at least it wont curl now which is true as there isn't enough of it to do anything! Dan was mad at him about it and promptly grounded him for two weeks. He said he should have gotten permission but Harry said it was his hair and he paid for it to be cut so what did it have to do with Dan. This made Dan even angrier and he finally went to the local bar in a temper. I was too busy sneezing and blowing my nose to care. Dan returned from his trip after only about a half hour and he and Harry had a talk. I don't know what they said to each other but when they had finished Harry was no longer grounded and they went and watched TV together like old friends. Anna-Louise told me quite seriously that she loved them both but she thought men were very strange and she was really glad she wasn't one!
Ringo caught a pidgeon and brought it into the utility room. Unfortunately it wasn't dead and revived speedily and flew about the room frantically pursued by both Ringo and Herman. I was in there at the time loading the washing machine and Rhys was there too. He was picking up washing and handing it to me to put in the machine. He likes to think he's helping I think. When the bird and cats started to rush about I grabbed him and left them alone in there. Rhys and I stood in the kitchen and I could hear chaos going on next door. Rhys was watching the door with his eyes as big as saucers and then he said "Cat'' quite clearly. Finally things quieted down and I went to see the damage. There were feathers everywhere and bits of squashed bloody bird too. There was a battered leg in amongst the washing. I couldn't find the other leg. I think Ringo must have eaten it. He looked very pleased with himself and there was a feather hanging out of his mouth. Herman looked stunned. He is far too fat to chase birds. It took ages to clean up the mess and I kept sneezing all the time which didn't speed things up. Rhys kept picking up feathers and putting them in his mouth and I kept taking them off him. Everyone else was out. I had to keep him by me as he's getting real adventurous now and has no fear of anything. He is real cute and looks just like I did when I was little.
I haven't had time to write any more of my stories or felt like it either. I must get on with them this week now I feel somewhat better. Gisela brought me some more copies of photos to keep as she knows we loose things and won't have them. There is one of Mama and the four of us on some beach someplace. There seems to have been a gale blowing and Georg and i are both naked. Mama seems to be trying to put a towel about us. Then there is a gorgeous one of Georg and I dressed up for a wedding in white clothes complete with hats. We are holding hands and look like a pair of little angels which we definitely were not! When Dan saw it he laughed and said how did the photographer keep us still. I couldn't remember anything about it anyhow but Gisela said it was a cousin's wedding in Hanover. I didn't know I'd even been there. Of course Gisela remembers lots of things from when I was small. She said she was real happy to have a sister. Gisela is lovely. Sometimes I don't appreciate her enough I think. Her husband is Welsh. He can speak Welsh too. It sounds funny but his name actually is Tom Jones. So she is Mrs Jones!! Life is strange and how far we have all travelled. That's one reason why I started the diary as i thought it would be hard to find a more multi-racial family than us. We are truly a 21st century clan I think. I am not being big headed here, we really are. One of our cousins even married an Arab. I haven't met him yet but she has a mass of bright red curly hair. I have seen photos and he is gorgeous.
While I was sneezing and had a pain in my head and felt rotten I suddenly thought how lucky I am. This sounds real weird, I know. I have a nice house and a great husband and three and a half fantastic kids and the best family anyone could possibly have. I even have lovely neighbors. We were all sitting around watching Eastenders yesterday while I was thinking this. Rhys was in his crib, of course, fast asleep. When the program finished I went to look in on him. We have the monitor but It doesn't have video. He was lying on his back with his hands up beside his head, fast asleep. I wondered what life will be like for him and Anna-Louise and Harry and Benjamin John. I hope it will be full of excitement and interest and I hope they get to see as many things as I have done and get to go to the places I have been. When I was still a teenager I went all over Europe on my own. I never had any trouble and the worst thing that happened to me was leaving my favorite Jacket in someplace in Zürich. When I look back I understand why Mama was so worried about me. At the time I didn't care what she thought. I was always the sort of kid who could be found hanging upside down in a tree by one leg someplace. I had no fear of anything and thought I was immortal. Now I'm older and have my own kids I wonder how Mama managed to deal with me. I must have worried her all the time. Rhys is like me. I can see it in his eyes even though he's so young. How Dan and I will have to watch him later! I wonder what Benjamin John will be like? I already know some things. He'll be blond because we all are. He'll have green eyes like Dan or blue like mine. He'll grow up in the 21st century and he might even live long enough to see the start of the 22nd!
Mama thought London was too busy and noisy but I love it. When I'm out amongst everyone all bustling about doing their thing I am really happy. All those people from different places and all together. It's great. I am a talker and I talk to everyone and they usually tell me all sorts of things about their life. I spent an interesting half hour not long ago talking to a woman from Slovenia. She had a baby about Rhys's age with her. Life is so interesting.
There is just one thing I would seriously like to know. How do you get rid of dark circles under your eyes?
Diary -October 11th 2007.
Now that everyone here is fit again I have at last managed to find time to write. I have written and posted Chapter 3 of ''Quads and Blobs'' and am working on the next Chapter of ''Heimat.'' This is proving difficult because Jack has lost Ianto and it is all very serious. Dan and I went to one of those Parent things at Harry's school and I suddenly found myself being TOLD OFF by Harry's German teacher {who isn't even German}. Evidently I am not teaching him German CORRECTLY!!! I hastened to explain that I didn't teach him German at all, I merely spoke to him, like you do to your kids, and I spoke in German and he picked it up that way, and when my family visit or we visit them we speak in German and so do the kids and so does Dan. I didn't teach him grammar--oh dear--of course--when you're chatting to a child you naturally add bits about tenses and things don't you? Harry is already fed up with his German teacher and now I am with him in this respect. How dare an Englishman tell me that I am not teaching my child correct German when I AM GERMAN!!
The rest of Harry's teachers were very pleasant and informative, which is more than you can say for Harry himself. If you ask him what he has done at school today he just says, every time, oh, nothing much. Anna-Louise is completely different and if you ask her what she's been doing you are likely to get her entire day described to you in detail, including her lunch. She will be 9 on Sunday. When Dan asked her what she wanted for her birthday she said she didn't know because she had everything she wanted already, which I thought was lovely. However, later that day she decided that a new bicycle would be nice.
Rhys had added some new words to his repertoire. Dan bounces him on his knees to ''Hoppe hoppe Reiter'' and as a result of this Rhys now says hoppe. What his teachers will say when he starts School I can only imagine. Dan is liable to shout Kurwa on occasion and now Rhys says it too. Since Dan uses it as the British use the word fuck this is a bit of a problem. Dan has promised to try not to say it when he's mad or frustrated about something so we're hoping Rhys will forget it. On a more acceptable note he also say Rin {which I guess is for our cat Ringo} and ja, ja. That's from me of course as I never just say ja!
Benjamin John has become quite lively of late and I can now feel him bouncing around. He is evidently wearing boots. Obviously I am going into the Guinness Book of Records. The first woman to give birth to a baby wearing boots! Anna came around yesterday and we went into town. We are both getting bigger and as a result when we went on a bus several people got up to let us sit down and we had a choice of seats. Rhys smiles at everyone and gets lots of attention too. He isn't a pretty baby but he is gorgeous with his wide smile and curls. I have gotten over my irritation that Anna is having a girl. After all, as long as they are healthy, it doesn't matter.
Very weird happenings at the BBC. First of all my cousin { the producer one } told me last month that he had heard that JB was doing some sort of concert for the BBC. He thought it might be FNMN. I phoned right away and couldn't get an answer. Finally, on the day it was confirmed on the Web, I got through and was told they were fully booked. Now it has been cancelled. The whole thing is strange. Evidently it was supposed to be fully booked BEFORE the Web site was told about it! My cousin is totally disillusioned with the BBC though and is thinking of going Independent. He has mostly produced wildlife Documentaries so he has never been much help with JB related things. He is half Irish and half German with a German name. Our family is so interesting!! He isn't a first cousin.
Anyhow, I am off to Anna's for a coffee and a chat. Rhys is at nursery until 12. I don't stay with him everytime now. He loves it as he is a very friendly baby.
Diary. October 26th 2007.
Well, the visitors came and went, and so did Anna-Louise's birthday, and we are all still in one piece---just barely in my case. Dan has taken the day off work today so I am having a laze. Anna-Louise had what she called ''an old fashioned birthday, like you used to have in the olden days''---hmm. Anyhow, ten small girls and one lone boy came and we had a sit down tea and games afterward. It all went very well and Anna-Louise had a great time. She was delighted with her new bicycle and with the Sims 2 which she has been wanting for ages. Her cake was a success also. It was a Tardis with Dr Who looking out of the door
Lots of talk in the Newspapers just now about abortion and a woman's right to decide and all that stuff. Of course, it makes me wonder what things would have been like for Dan and I if our Evie had been aborted instead of living for six months and suffering the whole time. This was a long time ago now and we were both young and I never even considered an abortion having been raised as a very strict Catholic. I loved Evie like all my kids even though she was so damaged and we knew she wouldn't live long. It still makes me cry to think about her. It seems weird to say a tiny baby was brave but she was. I saw a look in her eyes. Even wired up to tubes and things she was so calm. She looked almost normal too which was hard to bare.
Harry has settled somewhat with just one girlfriend. She is nice too and has great manners. She comes over and they do their homework together. I remember doing that when I was his age. Anna-Louise is taking another Violin exam soon. She is getting much better and her playing is now quite tunefull. Some idiot gave Rhys a drum for his birthday and, after ignoring it for a while, he has taken to banging it frequently. When Anna-Louise gets her Violin he runs to find his drum to accompany her. She LETS him, which is fantastic of her. Benjamin John has decided that the best time to move is when I am trying to go to sleep. Dan says he obviously has character. That's all I need. He isn't even born yet and he has character!
Anna came over and, after talking about babies for ages, we actually measured our bumps. Mine is bigger than hers. For a moment I was delighted at that. I will soon be more juvenile than my kids. My cousin who worked for the BBC has left and gone independent. He said the BBC were the worst employers he had ever had. If anyone from the BBC reads this I am not expressing my views but those of my cousin. I have never worked for the BBC so I don't know what they are like.
I made three Gifs of Torchwood EP 12. The bit where the two Jack's hold hands. I posted them but so far no-one has commented. I like them but perhaps no-one else does. It was a request. I haven't had time to do anything else. I am only writing this because Dan is home today. I get very tired now and things will only get worse until the end of January. At least i haven't had high blood pressure which Anna has recently. Will is fussing over her as if no human ever had a baby before. I keep wanting to thrust my bump at him and shout "what do you think this is?" but I don't. They thought they would never have kids. They have decided to call the baby Geraldine Ann. They evidently got the name off some TV program. I didn't see it I don't think.
Must close now as everyone is back and Rhys is banging that drum again. When my brother Georg was little someone gave him a drum, I was told, and my brother Erik sat on it and squashed it. Probably the only naughty thing he ever did! Perhaps I could make a discrete suggestion to Anna-Louise or Harry-----just joking-----Rhys loves his drum-------I just wish I could love it too.
Sunday. November 4th 2007.
Last Friday the Gas man came to read the Meters. We get our Electricity from the Gas Company. I don't quite understand how it works as I am particularly stupid right now. Rhys had a red butt so I was letting him run about naked. The house was warm. I went to open the door to the Gas man and when I turned around to show him where the metres are Rhys was standing there holding something in each hand and saying Mama. Just in front of the closet where the metres are was a small mound of more of what he was carefully holding. This Gas man obviously has no kids because he crouched down by Rhys and said "what have you got there?" so Rhys kindly gave it to him. I should have been embarrassed but by the time you are 61/2 months pregnant you have ceased to be embarrassed about most things. I showed the Gas man to the downstairs toilet and while he was in there I quickly cleaned the floor. I attempted to convince the poor man that being given shit is a sign of great favor but I don't think he was convinced.
Gisela phoned and told me Mair is learning to drive. We had a long talk about driving and things like that and had a great laugh. I am much fonder of Gisela now than I ever was before. She is actually a fantastic sister and I am sorry it took me so long to realize just how special she is. Anna-Louise came home from school on Friday and told me she has a boyfriend. She is just 9 so I was a bit surprized, especially as it is only a short time since she was saying all boys are stupid. The boy in question is called Evan. He phoned later on Friday and they talked for a long time. He will be 9 next Sunday and naturally he is having a celebration. It is a swimming party, hmm.. Harry is at present free of girl friends. He told Dan that they were too expensive. Benjamin John keeps me awake at night jumping about. He simply must be going to be a bigger baby than Rhys was because I am huge already. I have lost sight of my feet now. Everything I do takes longer and longer. I am looking forwards to January.
I tried to think of something I could do to make this diary more interesting but I couldn't think of anything. Life is mostly routine. Get up, take kids to school, fetch them, take Rhys back and forth to Nursery, meet with Anna, chat over fence with Molly, make meals. shop, feed and water livestock, change diapers and do lots of washing. I just put down what has happened. Mostly it is not interesting to anyone but me. I like to read it myself and having it on line means I don't loose it, as we are all so good at loosing things in this family. I don't mind who reads it either as it is not exactly earth shatteringly dramatic or stunning and I don't put the very private bits on line. Talking of loosing things even Herman has lost something now. It must be catching. He came home yesterday without his collar. I asked him where it was but he just purred. Maybe Ringo knows where it is!
Found a very short bit of vid of JB singing something called "All out of love". Very nice and I have been singing this little bit ever since. Read various comments on said vid and chief amongst them was the complaint it was "cheesy''. I spent some time thinking of what this might mean and in the end asked. I could not get the idea out of my head that it had something to do with ----er ---cheese. The food, which, as a vegan, I don't eat. I have developed a habit lately of standing and staring into space and thinking. Usually about Benjamin John. It is impossible to explain this vacancy to a man. It seems to be a pregnant Jennell thing. Oh well ----- So ist das Leben!
Diary. November 10th 2007.
Remembrance Day is hell-----Harry in trouble again---the ''bump'' is huge and so are the kids feet.
I am never at my best at this time of year. remembrance Sunday--oh hell-----old folk selling poppies. My Grandfather spent his war putting out fires etc caused by British and American bombs. He saw some horrible things I believe. War is hell--any war. I bought white poppies for us all and explained to the kids what they meant. It is important for us as a family because Dan lost relatives in the Holocaust.
Harry came home from school on Friday in a temper and with a sore eye which swiftly went black. He refused to say what he had been fighting about so Dan grounded him for two weeks. He didn't stop his allowance because we have tried that before and Anna-Louise just gives him hers. Dan took Rhys and Anna-Louise to the Zoo today. Anna-Louise hasn't stopped talking about it since they got home. Evidently Rhys's favorite creatures were the numerous pigeons fluttering about. I have taught him the German for pigeon which is Taube.
He is learning German and English at the same time. This is the best way of learning. At the minute he can't tell the difference between words in English and words in German so when he says words it is fascinating to hear.
For some probably weird and unexplainable reason Anna and I photographed our "bumps". Thought about posting mine here. Then decided not to. Not everyone is fascinated by pregnancy. Hard to believe---but true!
received my new JB CD today. Anna-Louise and I drooled over it for a while and then she went out to the Zoo and Harry and I were alone for once. {Plus Benjamin John of course.} I tried to find out what Harry had been fighting about. Eventually he sighed and said "you really don't want to know Mum.'' So that was that. I played the CD and he said it wasn't bad. Which is high praise from Harry and means he thought it was quite good. {A strange English way of saying it.} I said whatever trouble he found himself in fighting would never really solve it. I found this out for myself years ago because, female though I am, I actually had fights as a kid. {I was a horrible kid, I now realize.} Still, it does mean I can empathize with Harry in a way Dan can't. Dan was, seemingly, a calm friendly kid. He had some bother at school to begin with because his Mother only spoke to him in Polish at home. She told him later she was afraid she would forget it. This meant that Dan picked up English by himself and didn't know it too well when he began kindergarten. He soon decided that to be agreeable with everyone was the way to go. Unlike me, who always disagreed with everyone--just for the hell of it.
Dan surprized me and booked tickets for JB's tour in April. It's hard to believe that Benjamin John will be three months old that month! He is going to be bigger than Rhys I'm sure because I am HUGE already. I am starting to get tired of it. I wish it was January. My feet have finally disappeared and bending down is getting difficult. It wouldn't be so bad if everyone didn't keep going on about my age. O.K. I'll be 40 when Benjamin John arrives, but I'm fit, I've always been fit. Older folk than me have had babies. I actually look quite good, I think. I'm not exactly about to die of old age just yet!
Well I have had my moan so I'm going to make Dan his evening snack. The amount he can eat is amazing and he never puts on a single pound in weight. I wish I knew how he does it. I could sell it and make a fortune and we could do with more money right now. Why do kids have such big feet--that's what I want to know--and what do they do to their shoes?
Diary for November 24th 2007.
The Old Boiler.
A short play in One Act.
Characters:
Jennell Hartmann Sierakowiak. A short, blond woman. Pregnant. {JH}
Julie. An employee of British Gas. {GAS}
Rhys Daniel Sierakowiak. A 17 month old baby. Speaking part. {RHYS}
Anna-Louise Tesia Sierakowiak. A 9 year old girl. Blond wavy hair, blue eyes. {AL}
Harrison David Sierakowiak. A 13 year old boy. Very short thick blond curly hair. Grey eyes.{HARRY}
Scene: Kitchen of 4 bedroom house somewhere in London, England. JH is sitting on a stool. She is talking on the telephone to Gas. She has been waiting for her call to be answered for some time and at last has gotten a human answer.
JH: Our boiler has stopped working. We got up this morning and it was off and it is quite dead. We have no hot water or heat.
Gas: Could you tell me your name please.
JH: Mrs J.H. Sierakowiak.
Gas: Could you repeat that please.
JH: {Slower} Mrs.----J.----H.------Sier---ak----ow-----iak.
AL: {from some other part of the building} Mummy----Mummy-----Rhys is biting Captain Jack's head.
JH: {to Gas} Just a moment, please. {Louder} What is it? I'm on the phone.
AL: Rhys has got Captain Jack.
JH: Well just take it off him--he's only a baby--you're 9---.
AL: He wont give it back.
JH: Just snatch it.
AL: Last time I did that Daddy told me off.
JH: You have my permission this time.
AL:O.K.
JH: {To Gas}. What did you say?
Gas: Could you spell your name please.
JH: Mrs. J.H. Sierakowiak----S-I-E-R-A-K-O-W-I-A-K.
Gas: Good grief.
JH: We have no heat or hot water. We need an engineer.
Gas: Could you give me the first line of your address please.
JH: {Answers}.
Gas: And your postcode.
JH: {Answers}.
Gas: Have you got a leak?
Loud screams coming nearer prevent JH from hearing this question.
JH: {Very polite} Pardon?----just a moment----come here baby, oh dear. {Other rubbish follows,as the screamer tries to climb on JH's non existent lap}.
Rhys: AK----{sob, sniff}.
JH: {calmly}. He's not yours. He's Anna-Louise's. {Gets up and fetches a pot and a wooden spoon}. Here you are--play with this while Mama phones.
JH: Now--what did you say?
Gas: Have you a leak?
JH: Could you speak a bit louder please. It's a bit noisy this end.
Gas: HAVE YOU GOT A LEAK------ARE ANY OF YOUR RADIATORS OR PIPES LEAKING?
JH: No.
Gas: Just a moment.
JH: We're on your 3 star thing--we're supposed to get 24 hour help.
Gas: I'll see what I can do-just a moment.
Harry: { From upstairs}. Mum----MUM------Where are my football boots?
JH: {Loudly}. I'M ON THE PHONE!
Harry: {Voice getting nearer}. I can't find them.
JH: Look in the oven.
Harry: Why are they in the oven?
JH: I washed them. I put them in there to dry off.
Gas: We can get someone to you on Monday morning. Between 8 and 1.
JH: That's no good. It's Saturday today and I have a baby and I'm 7 months pregnant.
Gas: You've been busy.
JH: We're supposed to get 24 hour coverage.
Gas: I'm sorry but leaks take priority and we've no-one spare till Monday.
JH: Can't someone come tomorrow?
Gas: Sorry. Have you any electric heaters you can use?
JH: We have one and my Husbands gone out to borrow some more from friends.
Gas: Good. So we'll see you on Monday. Thank you for calling British Gas.
JH: Shit.
Harry: {Cheerfully}. I heard that.
JH: You have my permanent permission to swear at employees of the Gas Board. No-one else though.
Harry: {Gives thumbs up sign as he exits kitchen carrying the football boots}.
Rhys: {Bang bang crash crash}.
JH: Shit.
Rhys: Sit--sit---.
JH: Bugger.
Rhys: {Very clearly}. Bugger.
JH: {Thinking}. You've got it.
Anyone who reads this will no doubt be delighted to learn that Dan came home with three Electric heaters. He also rang the GAS and they are coming tomorrow. {I will believe it when I see them}.
Note: I am sure Julie {Not the real name} was doing her job to the best of her abilities. It was obviously not her fault that she couldn't arrange someone to come